Is that how you spell Thom Yorke?
I am not sure.
But I thought the guy is one of your favorites?
I do respect him, yes.
Respect? I thought he was one of your heroes?
Heroes? I suppose he is. He is someone I look up to. Someone whom I feel won the game. But I feel like the older I get, the more I lose interest in heroes.
What do you mean by “won the game?”
Oh gosh, why are you asking me this? It is a tough question to answer, but what I basically mean is he has not (as far as I know) had to really sell out. He has gotten to be incredibly successful doing exactly what he wants to do. He has been able to live on his own terms. I am sure he has to do things he does not want to do. I am sure he suffers like all the rest of us. But he has created his own path through this world, which is filled opportunities to conform and sell out. He has been successful doing his own thing. Make any sense?
Yes. I get it. He is lucky indeed. He is one of the few.
So this makes him your hero?
As I said, I am not so sure that hero is the right word. I just really appreciate what he has pulled off. Plus he makes art (music) that has been very influential on me. I like his work and am very inspired by it. I think it is great that he can do the kind of art he does and be so successful at it. There is nothing more that I would want for myself.
Then why don’t you go after that?
Are you kidding?
No, why don’t you try to create that reality for yourself?
Just seems too far-fetched now. I have tried and it hasn’t worked out thus far. I am in my mid forties now. I lack youthful energy and inspiration. I own a house and have a wife. I have a job that drains me. I just don’t think it is possible at this point. I need to conform if I want to maintain my lifestyle.
What bullshit man. You know those are just excuses. It is fear talking.
Maybe so, but I just don’t think that I have the energy that it would take to pull it off. I am burned out man. A lifetime of anxiety, depression, arguing with my father and intimate partners, struggling inside of myself, all these things I feel have drained my energy reserves. And to create any kind of good art, a person needs a good fill of energy.
What bullshit. See all these excuses you make for yourself? You could do it, you just do not want to do it. You are just too lazy to pull it off. It is not a question of time, energy or talent. You have those. You just don’t want to put in the work. People like Thom Yorke who you admire, they do the work.
Maybe so. I do think it is easier for Thom to do the work since he is already in the flow of it. He has the admiration of many to push him along. People want him to make stuff. No one cares about what I write. No one cares if I make a drawing or painting. No one cares if I create something or not. It is hard to keep it going when no one cares if you keep it going or not.
Yeah, I could see how that would be rough. After all these years of writing and making art, to still have no one who cares would make it tough to want to carry on.
But you still could. You still could keep at it, keep trying and not worry about how things come to pass.
I could. In a way I guess that is what I am doing here. By having this conversation with myself I am trying to keep a part of myself going.
What part is that?
The creative part. The part that has a lot to say. The part that wants to express all these ideas, opinions and stories that are continually stuck in my head. The part that knows that I was put on this earth (for whatever reason) to do this.
Well, I guess you need to keep at it then.
Use Thom Yorke as your inspiration. You guys are around the same age. Rather than being envious of what he gets to do and how much money he makes (I know it would be nice to have that kind of money) just know that if he is still doing it, if he is still at it, you can be as well.
Yes. I will try to keep that in mind.
Let Thom Yorke pull you along.
That sounds ridiculous.
Just trying to be helpful.