What is it like being a celery?
It is not so bad. Takes me a long time to grow but I do not mind that so much. Gives me the ability to be patient, kind and calm while knowing that soon I will be eaten.
Yes! That does not give you any anxiety? Knowing that soon I am going to eat you?
No not really. I had almost a year to prepare for this. That year was spent being very still. I took in my surroundings. I lived fully, so I do not feel like I have anything to lose. I do not feel a need to have more of what I have already had.
But what about the pain of being eaten? I will be chewing you up into many pieces in my mouth. This does not cause you any concern?
No not really. Us celery do not really feel any pain. After such a slow growth process, and so much time spent being still, our ability to react to feeling things has been greatly diminished. From what I have heard from other celeries, being chewed up and eaten is not that big of a deal. I have accepted my fate. When I was growing up I was educated by older celeries who prepared me for my eventual end. All of the celeries that I grew up around knew that one day soon they would end up serving the purpose of being something for human consumption.
Wow. This is a very noble and calm way of looking at things.
Yes. I had good teachers. Don’t you notice that you have already eaten half of me and I am fine? I am not at all bothered that I missing my other part. I hope that it was good for you.
It was good, yes. Especially with the peanut butter that I put on top.
I never understood this. I do not know why you humans need to put peanut butter on the celery. I feel like we are good enough as we are. But I know that humans are a very complex species, who often need a lot more than we do in order to be satisfied.
Yes, this is true. We do need a lot of things to be satisfied.
Yes. Celeries are not the same way. We are content spending our lives just slowly growing in the same place. Spending our days and nights standing still, going nowhere is very satisfying for us. We just love our lives and we love being surrounded by other celeries.
This is nice.
Yes. We also are happy knowing that one day we will be ingested by humans and that by eating us we will be able to benefit human health.
What do you mean?
It gives us meaning knowing that when we are eaten we will be beneficial for treating high blood pressure, digestive issues and heart rate regulation. It is such an honor to be able to help someone else in this way!
What? Are you kidding me? You are grateful that you will be chewed up, swallowed and digested?
Yes. Celeries love self-sacrifice. It gives us meaning.
Ok. This is hard for me to understand since most humans are the opposite. We want what we can get for ourselves. We hate self-sacrifice and are miserable when we have to do so. We want to make something of ourselves and do not care about anyone else in the process (unless they make us feel good). Self-sacrifice for other people’s benefit is a very foreign concept for most humans.
Yes. I know. This is why your civilizations are on the brink of complete collapse.
Yes. It is true. We have made a mess of things.
You are a very messy species. But we celeries are happy to help in whatever small way we can.
So do you mind if I go ahead and eat you now?
I don’t mind. Go ahead. This is the moment I have been growing for.
Ok, well thank you celery. It was a pleasure to get to know you a little better before eating you.
The pleasure was all mine. I am glad I can serve you.