You really wan to start using it again?
It is Sunday. I would like to see how it feels. Maybe it can help me to have more energy and interest in things.
But you know that once you start using marijuana again, you can become quickly dependent.
How do you feel about that?
I am not thrilled about being dependent on anything, but if it helps me to feel better in my life, it is ok with me.
How will you know if it is helping you feel better?
I will know. I have not been using marijuana for months and I feel like I have been reactive, unhappy, depressed, anxious, stressed out, with some good moments in between. I mean maybe I need the help. I think it can be a helpful weed/plant/drug/medication if used wisely. I am not talking about getting completely high (although I am sure I will sometimes). I am just going to experiment with using it at a lower dosage level.
What does that mean?
Small hits from the vaporizer, throughout the day.
Doesn’t that mean you will start using it on a daily basis?
If the experiment goes well, yes.
Yes, but like I said, I do not use it to get “baked.” I use it to help my brain be a more focused and creative space.
So you want to feel more focused and creative?
Yes. And I would also like to have less anger, depression, fatigue, unhappiness, boredom, sex drive….
And you think marijuana can do this for you?
It has the potential if done right, I think. If I start back up with regular marijuana use I must meditate everyday. That is the deal. This will help me to self-regulate more effectively. If I can’t meditate everyday I can not use marijuana.
Sounds smart. Ok, well you ready to start?
Yes. I have my vaporizer and some marijuana right beside me. Give me a second while I get everything ready.
Getting it ready.
So how do you feel pre-marijuana? I feel fine. It is 9:45am on Sunday morning. I feel slightly fatigued. Tired. This is strange since I had coffee this morning. I feel relaxed. Calm. Slightly restless.
Ok. Ready to take a hit?
Go ahead then.
Now I just wait for the vaporizer to heat up. I do not want to use too much at first. Just a moderate hit. At low doses marijuana has been found to be very helpful for depression and anxiety.
Yes. I have heard. Feel anything yet?
Maybe take another hit?
I hear flies flying around my writing studio. Flies drive me nuts. I do not like to kill bugs, but I don’t mind killing flies. There are just so many of them and they make the most annoying sounds. Plus they have so much frenetic energy, which bothers me. I get easily annoyed with anything that is high energy.
Feel anything yet?
I do. I feel slightly stimulated. I feel………maybe a bit happier. I notice a small amount of anxiety but not much at all. It is just in response to initial stimulation.
I notice that the fatigue or tiredness is gone. My senses feel slightly less dulled. Maybe I have a bit more clarity, but hard to tell.
Maybe want to take one more hit?
Ok. I turned my vaporizer back on. What it does is very gradually heat the marijuana so that it creates a vapor. This is better than using a flame because it creates much less smoke, which is obviously better for the lungs. Some people much prefer using a flame and smoking it.
You do it?
I am waiting.
In the meantime, how is your morning going?
It is going well. Just a very easy-going Sunday morning. Listening to birds. Reading a book on the life and work of Bob Cobbing. Was sitting in my garden reading. I always have this nagging feeling that I should be being more productive, so I stopped reading and here I am doing this.
Feel anything now?
Very subtle, but nice. I feel like I have more clarity. Less tired. I feel good other than the slight feeling of burn in my chest. It is very subtle, but feels nice. Better. I am not going to use any more marijuana right now. Want to see how this goes. But I will use moderatly throughout the day and then report back later.
Ok, sounds good.