“The chief patient I am preoccupied with is myself.”-Freud
How are you doing this morning?
I am doing fine thank you. However, I think I have the weight of the day and the coming week hanging from my shoulders and head.
What do you mean?
What I mean is that I feel like I have a lot to do and not much time to do it. I also feel like I have a lot infront of me that I do not want to do.
Like go to work. Like pay bills. Like talk to other people. Like make money. Like worry about not making money. Like having to be in the world. Stuff like that. I realize it sounds ridiculous.
It does a bit, yes.
I just really do not enjoy my work and having to interact with people the way that I have to interact with them as a psychotherapist. There are good things about it but overall I find it troubling. I hate having to do the scheduling with other people. I hate having to worry about getting new clients. I hate having to worry that I do not have enough clients and as a result will not make much money. I hate the worry. I hate the hate. It is just all troubling.
I see. Well, maybe you need to change the way that you think about things.
What do you mean?
Maybe you should just try relaxing. Don’t care so much. Just let go. Let what happens, happen. Trust that everything will be fine. Stay present. In a hundred years no one will even remember who you are now. No one will know who you were, so why worry about the future so much? You are just a blink in time. Life is short. Take what comes. Deal with what comes. Let go of everything else.
Wise words. You are right. You are absolutely right. I know this intellectually and theoretically. Seems like my brain is hard-wired to worry and be in a highly aroused state.
It is. Didn’t you just read about that research study that showed that Jewish men suffer from depression and anxiety at rates higher than men in other ethnic groups?
I did, yes.
And you realize, the reason why is because Jewish men are much more prone to self-examination. This is what creates their chronic neurosis. It is called “The Woody Allen Syndrome.”
I wonder why Jewish men are prone to this sort of thing?
Probably because of centuries of persecution and having to continually be hypervigilant about finding ways to survive. When you have so many people trying to persecute you and hunt you down, over time you become more intelligent about how to stay alive but you also become more frightened that someone or something is going to take you down at any second.
Yes this is probably true. I am always worrying about something taking me down. Something ending the event that I call “me.” Something coming along and taking away what little power and control I have. It is contsnat. But I still do not want to go to work. I still do not want to deal with the day ahead.
You just do not like the work you do. It is that simple. Maybe some other time we can talk about why this is. I do not think you have ever liked any job that you have had to do. Another time we will discuss this. For now, don’t worry about the day or week ahead. Leave it alone. Just be present right now. Try not to think about it. Just let it all go. Take it moment by moment rather than looking forward at the entire day and week.
Alright, I will give it a shot. But I seem to be afraid of two main things- not having enough money and unconsciousness.
Yeah, I agree.
So what are you going to do now?
I will go water the backyard garden. I will go for a walk. I will take care of some business stuff I have to deal with. I will do a bit of work on my website. Maybe I will get some reading time in. I might masturbate. Then I will dress and get ready for work.
Take things moment by moment. Don’t care about anything in the future.
You should meditate as well. You really need to meditate. If you don’t, your mind will over power you. It will dominate you with all kinds of judgements, anger and worry.
Ok, I will meditate now. Once we finish this conversation.
Don’t let me keep you.
Ok. Thanks for your guidance.
I still don’t want to go to work. I really don’t want to have to do this.
Please. Just sit down and meditate.