Why do you get so angry about it?
Keeping the house clean.
Because it pisses me off that it is often not clean. That there is always shit lying around. Things out-of-place. Dust and cobwebs collecting.
You really make it a lot worse than it really is.
You really think? Things are out-of-place all the time. The bed does not get made. Bathroom is never clean. Sink is filled with dishes. Laundry does not get done. Disher washer does not get unloaded. Dog shit does not get cleaned up. Dogs do not get bathed or brushed. Dirt and cobwebs all over. If I do not do these things they will not get done. My wife does the bare minimum. She will only do stuff when I get mad. My anger motivates her into action.
Yes! She does clean up but she does not do much. She is a very disorganized person and seems perfectly comfortable with things out-of-place. She is messy and only really cleans when I get upset or ask her to do something.
What is wrong with that?
It is frustrating! Why can’t she just organize and clean things up, on a regular basis, on her own? Why does it always have to come to me getting pissed off in order to get things done?
Because she does not need things to be as clean and organized as you do. She can live with a mess and be perfectly comfortable.
That is so disgusting! I can’t do it. I can’t live like that.
And so you expect her to live like you want? She tries to do the best she can but to be clean and organized is just not in the gal.
I know. I know and it drives me nuts.
Well, if you want to have a clean and organized house you are just going to have to do extra work. You need to stop asking her to do more. She does what she can but for whatever reason is just not able to do more. You need to accept this about her. She is messy. She tries to be clean and to keep clean but it is just not as much of priority for her as it is for you.
I know. She grew up in a messy house. Her parents are messy. Well maybe not messy but very disorganized. No, they are messy. The bedroom is a catastrophe. They do not pick up the dog shit in their backyard. There is dog shit everywhere. It is disgusting. I just can’t live like that.
Right. Because you grew up in a very clean home. You had a live in maid. Everything was always clean and if anything was out-of-place your mother would ask you continually to clean it up.
She was always asking me to clean my closet. I couldn’t understand why. “It is behind closed doors, why would it bother her?” I would think. But whenever things were a mess in my closet she would bug me to clean it up. I do the same thing to my wife but her closet is a catastrophe. It is beyond repair.
You chose to be with a woman who is disorganized and messy. You knew this from the first moment you saw her car. You knew she was a messy person but you still chose to marry her. You have thought that you can somehow change her. She has changed. She has become cleaner and more organized since being with you but to get her to be as clean and organized with things as you need her to be, well that just is not going to happen. You need to let that go.
It is tough.
It’s tough because you do not want to do the extra work that is involved in keeping a house clean.
It is true. I do it anyways but it feels like wasted time. I could be drawing, reading, writing. I could be being more productive.
Well, keeping your house clean is productive. If you need to live in a clean and organized space the act of keeping something clean is a productive activity. It may take time away from other things you would rather be doing but you need to learn to enjoy keeping your home clean. It should be something you enjoy doing.
You become resentful when you have to clean. You wonder why your wife could not do it. You wonder why your wife is so lazy and disorganized. You get really angry at her for not keeping things more clean and organized. You really need to knock that off. Accept you live with a person who is just not as clean and organized as you need. It is just the way it goes. Accept it and then learn to enjoy the daily productive task or act of keeping your home clean.
Otherwise you are just going to make your wife not like you. She will think you are mean to her. Treat her poorly. Always getting upset with her. She will stop liking you.
I know. It’s not a good look for me. Alright. I get it. I need to text her and apologize for getting all pissed off today. I need to accept that she is just not as clean as I would like her to be and be willing to pick up the slack.
And when you pick up the slack, don’t be resentful about it. Just learn how to enjoy doing it. You are creating a space that you enjoy living in. This is a good thing.
Yes. I agree. Thanks for talking.
You are welcome.