Competing With An iPhone 6 Plus For My Wife’s Attention. Conversation #23.

What’s the problem?

Is it really a problem or is it just the way humanity is evolving? We are growing these technological devices in the same way that a fin whale would grow a longer tail to be able to escape from human predators quicker.

I don’t think the technology is the problem as much as your reaction to it is. Whenever you see your wife checking her iPhone you become angry.

Not every time but a lot. She used to grab my crotch all the time. Now she grabs her iPhone. How can I not be upset? I wrote about this in an article I published with BOMB Magazine a while back. This has been going on for a while but seems to have become much, much worse with the iPhone 6. Now she is on it all the time!

All the time? Really?

Ok not all the time, but it is a continual thing. She is constantly checking it. Scrolling. I remember when I used to walk into a room and she would be reading a book, making art, napping, meditating, playing with herself. Now I almost always walk into a room and she is droning out on her iPhone! It is a sad thing to see.


Because I am convinced that it dulls the mind, body and spirit. I know some people think that this technology is a great thing. It connects humanity more. It allows us to transcend physical limitations. It allows to share and communicate far, far beyond our physical boundaries. It allows us to consume valuable information. And on and on. Blah, blah, blah. I see the iPhone as just another unnecessary human development that has caused us to devolve more than evolve. It has literally turned us into operating systems. Isolated Androids with shitty attention spans. I hate it.

But you use your iPhone a lot?

I do. I have been sucked in. But I don’t use it nearly as much as most people. I am not on social media. I don’t scroll much. But I do use it to connect with certain people (email and texting) and to check out a few websites on a regular basis. Yes, the device allows me to feel more connected and engaged but now I feel less connected and engaged in my own life! I never remember feeling as isolated, dissatisfied and alone before the iPhone and the internet. It feels like I made some sort of Faustian bargain.

I see. Using your iPhone and the internet is the deal with the devil?

In a way it is. I don’t really see it as a inherently “good” technology. It is putting a hypnagogic spell over a massive amount of human beings. It is turning us all into followers. Dependents. People have literally become addicted to their phones. It is a serious addiction. Right now because everyone is doing it, it is perceived as being normal and safe. But in time we will see the obsessive way that we use our phones today in the same way that we view a person who smokes a pack of cigarettes a day. It is an addiction and I hate to see my wife suffering from it.

And do y…..

Not to mention that in time we will see that these smartphones are bad for our health. The amount of radioactive frequencies and other yet to be discovered carcinogens emitted by wireless and our phones will be seen as dangerous to human health. It took a while for humans to realize that cigarettes were dangerous to human health. Same with these phones. We are such idiots. Humans are so impressionable. If the Big People Who Make Big Money on top say it is ok and safe, humans will consume anything until they find out differently.

So you feel like your wife has fallen into this spectacle?

Look, I am not innocent either. Using the metaphor of cigarettes I smoke about a half a pack a day and she smokes a pack. Maybe more. I don’t really know what the introduction of these phones into our lives have done to our relationship. There is little information out there about how these iPhones infect relationships but I feel like it is the same as having another lover. Women and men love their iPhones. When the iPhone is lost, they freak out. When the iPhone is close by, they want to check it. They want to be on the iPhone all the time. Just like a lover. No one talks about it but these iPhones are like having another lover in a relationship. So it takes away from the time and engagement that we spend with one another.

Don’t you feel that relationships just gradually become less involved and engaged over time? Even a hundred years ago this was probably the case.

Probably. But it is happening at an accelerated and more severe rate. I bet that these smartphones are damaging relationships that could have been great and lasted a lot longer in ways that we are yet unaware of. I bet these smartphones take a massive toll on the quality of our relationship. My wife and I used to be engaged. We used to have deep conversations. This does not happen at all anymore. It seems like we have forgotten how. Every time we begin a deeper conversation it seems like one of us just wants to cut it short and check our phone. The phone is more engaging than we are at this point. I can’t compete. It is turning us into something much more superficial and banal every time we pick it up.

I don’t disagree with you. There is a lot of information published about how these phones cause people to feel more connected with the larger world but much more disconnected in their immediate environments.

Yes! It is creating a bunch of isolationists who do not have a strong enough attention span to invest in deep and meaningful conversations with the people around them. Since when did it become ok for everyone to be on their phones all the time? Everywhere I go people are droning out into their phones. Parks, bars, concerts, restaurants, walking down the street. Seems as if everyone is hooked into this World Wide Web and hooked out of their immediate life.

It is the way things are going my friend. Get used to it. It’s now seen as sexy and cool to be on your phone.

Oh god.

It’s just the way it goes right now.

I know. I think this sometimes. I tell myself to just accept it. But I have a difficult time seeing my wife and fellow human beings looking like these vegetative zombies. There is nothing sexy about it. Not a pretty sight. I value aesthetics and there is nothing beautiful about a person zoning out into their phone. Maybe this is some of the reason I have become less attracted to my wife. I think she looks beautiful when sitting besides candle light, but when the glare of digital light from her iPhone floods her beautiful face, it is a really unattractive sight.

Yeah, no one looks good under that smartphone light. It destroys a person’s complexion. Sucks the life out of it. I think these smartphones destroy people’s libido also. Everyone gets their juice on-line and we do not need it so much from one another.

The smartphone as a kind of castration.

Yes. Exactly. Yes people are more connected, but you are right in a way- it is a deal with the devil.

My wife used to write poetry, be a prolific reader, make art, dance, be wildly sexual and shine with joy. I don’t see much of any of this anymore.

And you blame it on the iPhone?

Partially. I am sure other things are to blame as well. But now she is obsessed with Instagram. Her creative engagement is through Instagram. She posts a lot of pictures and looks at a lot of pictures. What a waste of time!

Maybe to you. But she is only thirty. This is what young people are doing more and more. Creative expression is happening more and more on-line. It’s a virtual gallery.

I don’t like it. When you post an image it really only lasts a few hours and then is gone forever. No one will see it anymore. The internet does not care about our creative expression. We are all just feeding its insatiable appetite. A slave to its constant need to be feed. It’s a horrible thing we have all become dependent on.

Don’t say we all. You don’t do it.

No thankfully. And I hate to see my wife doing it. Makes me very sad. I just want my wife back! I want her attention to be more on me and our life together! I want her to grab my balls again! I feel like her lover has taken her away. She is having a difficult time staying focused on our relationship and her relationship with her iPhone at the same time. She is struggling to be married to me, be present in our life together and have this lover on the side. Our relationship is getting neglected.

I see. This is what often happens when someone has a lover. This is why having an open relationship in a marriage can be challenging.

Yes. I suppose I just want more of my wife’s attention and I hate feeling like I am competing with an iPhone. I don’t feel like I can win this competition. The iPhone spends much more time with her than I do. When I point out to her that she is on her iPhone again, she becomes angry and defensive. It is like I am threatening to pull her away from the thing she loves. So I can’t say much. Now, every time I walk into a room I notice that she tries to hide her phone from me. She tries to pretend like she was not just on it. Just like hiding a lover. But I know she was just getting off on it. She can’t hide that from me. I see it in her face.

Yikes! It has come to that?

I am afraid so. She has started to hide her iPhone usage from me. This is how addictive it has gotten. I am terrified of when the iPhone 7 comes out. The iPhone 7 could be the end of my marriage. I don’t want to think about that right now.

Frightening. And then what about the iPhone 8 and iPhone 9? What will our relationships look like by the time we all have the iPhone 10?

I can’t even imagine. Maybe there will be no need for human-to-human relationships anymore.

Is that what it is? Are these smartphones threatening to cause human relationships to become extinct? Is the future a place where there really is no more need to be in a human relationship? Maybe being in a relationship with a human being will just become so much of an inconvenience that they gradually become unnecessary as we isolate and drone out more and more into our connected smartphones.

This could be the extreme consequence of our smartphone addiction. And then when relationships are all gone, we will begin to wake up because we will realize how important they are.

Possibly. But this process will take a long time to come full circle.

Yes. Sadly we are only at the beginning.

Brave New World.

Yeah. I just looked out my writing studio window. It is a beautiful summer morning and my wife is sitting naked in our backyard garden. Her coffee mug is besides her and her legs are crossed. There are birds and butterflies all around. She is staring into her iPhone.`







Author: kafkaesque77

It is all on the blog....

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