Going Broke! Conversation #29.

What are you doing?

Stressing out. Trying to get work done.

Stressing about what?

Stressing that my business is in decline! I am not making much money now! Concerned about that. Don’t want to have to get another degrading job that I do not care about. Don’t like feeling like my business is failing. Unsettling. I feel unsettled. I also have debts I need to pay back. Bills. Don’t like feeling like money is such a big issue.

Welcome to the world.

Some people have so much money. Pisses me off that I am someone who has to struggle for money, sell my soul for money and worry about money when I am not making much of it. There are people out their living with so much money!

Yes. But they are the few.

They are the winners.

In some ways.

And I am the loser.

In some ways.

Thanks.

Sure.

And, and, and I am so dependent on others to pay me money! I don’t like this dependency. I need to get clients so that I can get paid. I need people to want to pay me. This means I need to get people to want to come and see me. This means I have to be really into what I do! I need to work harder. I need to present to others like I am really into my work as a therapist. That I love it and am serious.

You have to hustle.

Yes, and I am not a hustler.

You have to really hustle. You are in panic mode. You need to do what you have to do to keep your business afloat.

I know. And this pisses me off because now the business that I don’t even really like that much, the business that burns me out when it is busy, is the business I really need and want! What the hell? It is the business that I am so dependent on. It is messed up how much money or the lack of money can drive a person to do things and love things that they would normally not do and love.

So you like having money?

I do like money. I say I don’t care. I say I don’t care that much about it but that is bullshit. I want money! Give me money! I don’t need a lot. Just enough to maintain a humble lifestyle for me and my wife and dogs. I just don’t want to have to work for it. I hate working. Maybe if it was work that I enjoyed, like getting paid to draw or write, I would like work. But as things stand now, I really do not enjoy work but I love having money!

I see. Well, you are in a quagmire. Your business is not doing so well right now. You do not have as much money as you feel you need to maintain your current lifestyle.

Yes.

So you have to hustle. Hustle means to pretend to be something you are not. You have to pretend to really be into what you are doing. You also feel like because you are pretending, because you are not really grateful and happy to do the work you are doing, you some how are bringing this decline in business upon yourself.

Yes. There is some of that. I wish I was really passionate about and loved the work I did. Maybe then things would be different. I have been trying to fake it until I make it. It is taking a while catch on. Maybe I have brought this economic decline upon myself because I am not as grateful for the work I do as maybe I should be.

This is a possibility. If anything, your panic shows you how dependent on your job you really are.

Not sure how I feel about this. I help people to get unstuck in their lives but I am stuck!

Well we teach and preach the thing that we most need to learn in our own lives.

Maybe. But I feel like I should have this stuff figured out before I help others to try and figure it out.

Don’t tell people what they should do. Avoid the “should-do’s” if you can’t do it yourself. Just lend your ear. Listen and support.

Yeah. It is hard to keep clients this way. People want to be told what they should do when they are paying money.

True. So what are we talking about here? I feel like we have gone off topic. You were complaining. I like it when you complain. It’s pathetic but entertaining.

Really?

I think so. So what were you complaining about?

Just the quagmire that I am in. Business is bad. I am not making the kind of money I need to make. I have to hustle to get more clients. I need more business. But I don’t like that I have to do this because I am not that passionate about the work in the first place! Plus I hate having to be dependent on other people to give me money.

Yeah, you are stuck.

I know! You don’t need to tell me this.

Yes I do.

No you don’t! I feel it every day. My alcohol and weed consumption is going up. I am aware I am fucking stuck!

You want my advice?

Yes!

Well, go water your garden. Read a book. Listen to music. Just try and chill out. Let it work itself out. Do what you can and then just let let it go. Enjoy your life. It is what it is. Now you have more time to read and write. Take advantage of the time rather than spending it worrying. Your business will fill up again at some point. Don’t spend this time worrying and complaining. Just try and take advantage of having more free time. Let the future take care of itself. Take things day by day.

Ok. I will give this a try.

And since you are making less money try not to spend as much money. Stay home more, read more. Learn to need what you already have rather than needing what you don’t have.

Yes. I do need to make an effort to spend less now.

To be less of a consumer.

Yes.

It is true I think. I think being less of a consumer will give you more time to just be home and do the things you like doing. you should work on finishing your novel.

Yes. Ok, I will try and but some of this into action. Thank you for this consultation.

No problem. I need to go relax now. Remember: Don’t panic. You will be ok. Spend less. You will find a way.

 

 

 

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Author: kafkaesque77

It is all on the blog....

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