Here I am on a Saturday night in my backyard writing studio, stoned and walking around with a black composition notebook in my right hand trying to kill the flies that have snuck into my space.
I thought you were not going to kill flies anymore?
I’m not happy about it, but I can’t stand them. Pacing around with my black composition notebook in my hand I feel slightly similar to what it would feel like to be a crazed psychotic walking around with a knife in his hand looking for someone to slay. Like Jack Nicholson’s character in The Shinning. But I am just going after flies here.
You get some sort of strange satisfaction, when after a long chase and lots of missed swings with your composition notebook, you finally hit one?
Yes. It is a good feeling. But I also feel bad when I see the fly lying dead on the floor. But then my dog will eat it and I no longer feel so bad. It is what animal creatures do- kill and eat.
True. So this is what you are doing with your Saturday night.
Looks like it. This is my fun for the evening- swatting flies and smoking weed alone in my backyard writing studio. It is frustrating.
What is frustrating about it?
I want to be doing more. I want to have some sort of interesting nightlife. I want to be out socializing with people and looking at beautiful girls, maybe even having a kinky sexual experience, but I am home on a Saturday night. And you know, I don’t even really need to have a kinky sexual experience, it would just be nice to be doing something that I felt was interesting or engaging on a Saturday night.
And you can…….. where are you going?
After a fly. One second please.
Son of a bitch. As I was typing and the son of a bitch flew into my face like he is taunting me. I went to look for it but can’t find it. Son of a bitch is messing with me. I am going to look again. One second.
Pacing around your writing studio on a Saturday night, with a black composition book in your right hand, looking for the fly you want to kill. Flattering man.
I can’t find it but I think my dog may have eaten it.
Yes. Hang on. I am going to smoke some more weed.
You are going to really let yourself get even more stoned?
It’s Saturday night.
So like I was saying (coughing, coughing) I just feel like my nightlife is radically dissolving. I am home most Saturday nights. I am home most nights. I really don’t go out anywhere at night anymore. This is fine but Saturday nights are different.
Saturday nights are filled with all kinds of potential and possibilities. Anything can happen. Saturday evenings are for throwing off the worries of the world and just letting yourself go. Play, explore and have fun. There is just so much potential for reckless fun and abandon on a Saturday night and every Saturday night that I stay home I feel like it is yet another wasted opportunity. I am getting older and don’t have too many more opportunities to waste before going out and having fun on a Saturday night is no longer a possibility because I am just too old.
So you feel you are running out of time?
In a sense. Running out of time to have a certain kind of debauched Saturday night experience. I still look young enough that I can attract a wide spectrum of younger ladies, but who knows how much longer this will last. I am still in good enough health where I can go out, indulge and stay out late. Besides it is healthy to go out and blow off steam. That is what Saturday nights are for. When you don’t go out and blow off steam- it just bottles up inside. I notice I have become an angrier more depressed man since I stopped going out on Saturday nights.
I would agree. So then why don’t you go out?
I don’t know. There really is nothing to do. Nothing seems to be happening. I am sure there are many places I could go but I would have to spend a good amount of money, drive there and, well…I don’t know why I don’t make more of an effort to go out.
Because you are getting old?
No. I guess I just don’t know what to do. I am bored. I have not much energy to motivate. I don’t know what the problem is.
So you end up in your studio looking for flies to swat on a Saturday night?
Maybe a bit.
I feel like successful people, people who have made it in the world, they are out most Saturday nights.
This may be true. I wouldn’t know since we don’t know any famous people.
Also- I am frustrated with my wife because I feel like she should make more of an effort to look into more interesting things for us to do. I suppose she does sometimes but not as much as I would like.
But she is 32. She has many more Saturday nights that she can waste. Time is of the essence for you. Soon you will be old and Saturday night’s will no longer be as much fun.
Maybe. We don’t know this. I am sure plenty of people in their 50s and 60s have plenty of reckless Saturday nights.
Maybe you should embrace the fact that you have had your fun? You went out almost every Saturday night in your 20s and 30s. Maybe now it is time to begin to settle down into a more contemplative life?
I am trying but I still feel this longing, this desire to blow off steam on a Saturday night.
I understand. Any more flies?
The studio is quiet. I guess my dog did eat the fly. I ate frozen yogurt with almonds this evening. Now I have gas.
Thanks for that needed detail.
I am. I want to be more stoned. I want to get really stoned. Super stoned. Then I will watch porn. I will have a great orgasm. Then I will walk around my backyard doing deep breathing exercises. This is how I will blow off steam.
I thought you were not going to watch porn anymore?
It’s Saturday night. If there was ever a night for pornography, it is Saturday night.
I see. Well you might want to wait for your wife to go to bed.
Yeah. I don’t think she would mind if she caught me watching porn. I think that she would think it was funny.
You don’t think she would be jealous that you were not being sexual with her on a Saturday night?
Maybe. But we had sex the other night so I think we are cool.
You guys had sex!? Really?
How was it?
Good. I felt a bit uncomfortable but I pushed through it. Literally.
Haha. Well good. I am glad you both finally had sex!
Yes. When I orgasmed it felt so strong that I thought it might come out her nose and ears.
Wow! That is a lot of thrust.
Yes. I was happy to be orgasming inside a female sexual organ. It is much different then with your own hand.
This is true. Very true.
Did you say anythings to be clever?
As opposed to what?
I see. I just say anythings sometimes. It is a plural question, meaning maybe you had more than one thing more you wanted to talk about.
No. I am good. I am just noticing that my Saturday night nightlife is taking a massive dive. It is unfortunate but ultimately I am the one who is isolating myself. I just need to accept this. I want to go out but am really not doing much to make it happen.
I’ve just become incredibly anti-social.
You don’t want to be around people. This is true.
Not unless they are naked and willing to do kinky sexual things or are playing musical instruments. Otherwise yes, I would like to avoid socializing with most people. I find most people incredibly stupefying and dull.
Do you think other people think this of you?
Some probably do since I am just not really interested in opening up with other people.
So they find you dull and boring?
I see. Going to smoke more weed?
I am. Then I am going to listen to music.
Then you will watch porn and walk around in your backyard?
Why did you use that word?
I don’t know. Slipped out. Sorry.
Strange man. Inculcated. Really? That word just slipped out?
We done here?
Yes. I think we have said enough.
*Sorry, I have just returned to edit this.
Ok. What’s up?
I have decided to just go to sleep. I feel suddenly tired.
Going to bed sounds like a wise idea.
I’m going bed.