The Psychotherapist Loser. Conversation #32.

You are an accomplished experimental musician, writer, illustrator and painter.

No, I am just a psychotherapist loser.

That also. But there are lots of psychotherapists who live double lives. I knew one therapist who was also deeply into the occult and black magic. She wrote books on the occult and was involved in all kinds of radical black magic groups.

Yes, I am sure there are these therapists as well.

But you still feel like a psychotherapist loser?

I am.

Yes.

It is just such a typical profession. Very dull and average. The fact that you need permission from the state in order to do your job (A License) just makes it even more average.

Yes, I suppose in many ways it is pretty typical.

Bourgeois.

Yes. Being a psychotherapist cab be very bourgeois, clinical, mundane.

The opposite of eccentricity, creativity, being out of the box and forging your own path.

So this is why it makes you feel like a loser?

Yes in many ways. I couldn’t succeed in more unconventional, out of the box ways so I have to do this. Being a psychotherapist is playing it safe.

Yes. It is a very traditional profession but you knew this going into it! Why are you complaining now?

Look. I didn’t know what else to do. I didn’t know how I could make a living in more unconventional ways without also having to work more subservient jobs (being a waiter). So I freaked out. I played it safe. Now here I am.

So you should take responsibility for your decision.

I understand. I do. But does not mean it is not difficult being a loser.

By loser you mean that life is like a game? Some win and some end up playing it safe- the losers?

Yes. Most people are losers. The vast majority do not succeed at this game. Even the people who are professionally and economically stable/wealthy are losers because they did not succeed at taking big risks and doing what they really wanted to do.

I see.

I work with these people every day. They deal with severe anxiety and depression as a result of playing it safe. They feel trapped in a life that has no real meaning for them. They go in and out of states of despair.

Like you.

Yes. I suppose this is why I can be helpful for them. I suppose this is why they come see me. I can relate. I tell them we are in the same boat. I know what it feels like and it makes these people who are hostages in their own life feel better when they realize they are not alone.

So your work as a psychotherapist has some meaning. You are a loser who is able to console and help other losers deal with the Existential Pain of being a loser.

Yes. I suppose this is a big part of my job description. This is what I spend a lot of time doing. Empathizing and relating to and with the other losers. Loser to loser. Two losers sitting together in a small room.

But you would rather be a winner?

Yes! I would much rather be writing, making music and art for a living. This is what I want to be doing but have to go do something that I do not want to be doing to make a living. Makes it even more painful knowing what an average profession it is. The fact that I need to be licensed by the state (BIG DADDY) in order to work legitimately, goes against all of my anarchistic and radical value systems.

I can understand this. Must be very humbling. But you are doing good work. Just like you tell your loser clients- maybe something will happen for you. Just keep doing your work. Keep doing what you love doing. Don’t give up. Maybe eventually something will happen.

It is possible, yes. But the stuff I create is so obscure and odd that I don’t think anything will come of it. We live in a culture that has been deeply dumbed down by media, social media, Youtube and popular entertainment that I don’t think what I do has much economic potential.

Maybe not. But who knows. Just keep doing it. Don’t talk yourself out of it. Stay with it.

Yes. But still I am a psychotherapist loser.

Yes. But at least you can help other losers as a psychotherapist loser.

I specialize in Existential Pain.

Yes. It is real pain. It is the pain that drives people to take their own lives.

Yes. I help people manage this pain.

You do and you are good at it.

Because I am also a loser.

Hey, it’s something. Being a psychotherapist loser does have some value.

I suppose. I just hope this is a temporary thing. That I do good work for now but that I do not have to keep doing this work for the long term. My hope is that something else will come along. One of my creative ventures may work out. Working with people in Existential Pain day after day, week after week, it just wears on me. It is a heavy burden to help carry.

Yes. But this is why you take several days off a week. This is why you read, write, make music and draw. Helps you to detoxify from the burdens of your job and come back into a more balanced and creative state.

Yes.

So it is Sunday again. I believe I said this last Sunday. Just try and go easy. Relax. Rest. Don’t think about the week ahead. Drink a few beers. Enjoy some weed. Go for a long walk. Read. Spend quality time with your wife. Just enjoy your life in the present moment today.

But the moment I am in the present moment that moment is already in the past.

Don’t think about it so much. You know what I mean. Just be present. Be here. Don’t think about things like being a psychotherapist loser. Leave that for tomorrow. Just be a human being who is present in his life right now.

Ok. Fair enough. This I can do today. Step by step.

Yes.

Thanks for talking.

No problem.

Enjoy your Sunday.

You too.

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Author: kafkaesque77

It is all on the blog....

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