My Night Of Suburban Debauchery. Conversation #45.

I’m hung over again..

What happened?

It’s not good.


Because at this point, other than a hangover and sleeping away half of my Sunday, the consequences of last nights “festivities” can not been seen yet.

What kind of consequences could there be?

Sexually transmitted disease and neighbors who think we are crazed, sexual deviants. Or even worse. Neighbors who think I am a violent, masochistic and angry man who beats or rapes his wife.

Yikes! Why?

I’ve talked to my wife about this many times before. To keep her voice down when she is having sex. To be mindful that we live in a very quiet and conservative town and that when she screams out really loud while having sex who knows who can hear. It makes me very uncomfortable. I am a private man. I keep to myself. I do not talk to my neighbors. I do not like my neighbors knowing my business. My wife is a screamer when having sex. Screams of pure primal pleasure. It is healthy to do this, I realize. But when living in the suburbs, I am sure many others can hear! This is embarrassing for me but my wife does not seem to care. I mean she cares but she has a problem. She can’t seem to control herself sometimes.

So what happened?

To make a long story short my wife had her girlfriend come over to our home. Her girlfriend is a very sexually deviant woman who is also a professor at UCLA. She brought with her a bag filled with sex toys. For the first few hours we all sat around and talked. She does not drink or do drugs but my wife and I drank a good amount of gin. After a few hours of talking I took the ladies into the more private library room of our house. My wife and her girlfriend undressed and started kissing. Two naked and young female bodies! Such delight. They then took off my pants and both proceeded to give me oral sex. This was so pleasurable that I did  not last longer than five minutes. After, I felt very tired and lost any and all interest in continuing to hang out. I was satisfied. I went to bed and my wife and her girlfriend went out to a local bar. They returned home an hour or so later with a young man that they met at the bar. My wife’s girlfriend brought out her sex toys and they spent the next several hours doing who knows what. I was in bed trying to sleep but obviously it was difficult because my wife kept screaming out these deep, primal, horrific, loud, animal screams every time she orgasmed. I was pissed off about this because she was not in any way being mindful of what I had talked to her about several times! Whatthehell! Whatthehell, I kept thinking. There was not doubt in my mind that our entire neighborhood could hear her. I couldn’t get out of bed and go into the room and ask her to keep it down. I mean, I could have but I didn’t want to interrupt. This morning when I woke up I noticed that several of the windows were wide open!

Oh no!

I know. It was bad enough with all the windows closed but now that I know the windows were open there is no doubt in my mind that all of my neighbors heard. My next door neighbor is a very, very conservative cop. Whothehell knows what he is thinking.


He is probably thinking that I am one messed up guy who either rapes his wife or is into some really deviant sexual practices. He must be deeply offended and disgusted with me and who knows what he will do.

I wouldn’t jump to conclusions. Maybe he didn’t hear, although he probably did. All of your neighbors probably heard your wife and think that you and her are crazy.

Great. Thanks but you are probably right. We need to stop drinking as much as we do. Now, not only do I feel humiliated but I am also concerned. I don’t trust people. People are messed up. They do messed up things, especially some cops. Who knows what this cop will do. Who knows what others will do. Some people are deeply offended by sexual deviants, especially people in a conservative, suburban neighborhood. Also, who knows who heard the sexual sounds and then came peeking through the windows. There is a large wide open window in our front room where they engaged in their sex acts (this is why earlier that evening I brought the ladies into the more private library). Who knows who was lurking out there.

Yeah. Well you guys have certainly opened yourselves to scrutiny. You have certainly made yourselves a target. But who knows. Maybe nothing will come of it.

Yes, who knows. But this is the part of it that I do not like. This not knowing. Who knows is making me uncomfortable and paranoid. I am pissed at my wife for being so mindless and dumb. When I discussed this with her a little while ago she got upset. She does not think it is as much of a potential problem as I do but I think she knows that she got carried away and what she did was dumb.


I talk to her about this again and again but she does not seem to get it. She lives in a world where everything is fine. She is the kind of person who will not change her ways until something bad happens. She lives without fear and sometimes fear can be what contributes to survival. I try and take more preventative measures. Plus, her stupidity has now put me in a situation where the neighbors probably think I am some kind of violent sexual deviant when the truth is that I was in bed trying to sleep!

It is a messed up situation. It was not intentional but your wife did put you in a compromised position.

Yes and I am pissed about it.

The consequences of a night of suburban debauchery.



That wasn’t a question. Just a figure of speech.

Oh. I see. Sorry.

I would like to think that my wife could at least be smart enough to not do shit like that in front of a window and with windows open!

She is not the smartest girl sometimes.

No, especially when intoxicated. She is a sweet, caring, generous and fun girl but she is not very smart.

Did you tell her this?

I told her that what she did was not smart. Not that she is not smart.

But you do not think she is smart?

In some ways she is smart. But in other, more self-aware ways I think she is pretty dumb. Spacey. Outtoolunch.

And now you are suffering the consequences of this.

I know. Who knows what my cop neighbor wants to do to me.


Honestly (and I will only tell you this) but I really think my wife has undiagnosed ADHD and Bi-Polar Disorder. She gets really, really, really high and then really low. Often times people who are Bi-Polar have consequences such as this. Public/social humiliation being a main consequence of Bi-Polar disorder. They get so high, they forget what they are doing.


I know. I try to talk to her about all of this but she just gets defensive and won’t listen. It just pisses her off.

Irritation is another manic aspect of Bi-Polar Disorder.

I know.


I know.

So what are you going to do?

What can I do? I married her. All I can do is just try and let yet another stupid and mindless mistake of hers go and get on with my day. I could stay angry and pissed off but that won’t accomplish much. The damage has been done. All I can do is accept whatever comes my way. Get on with my wife. She is still youngish (31). I presume it will take her several more years to become more self-aware. She is a lovely soul- just very careless and reckless at times. Doesn’t really think about consequences.

I see. Well you spoke with her about it. Hopefully this time she will get it. Hey at least you got to have two attractive women sodomize you for a bit last night. Not a bad way to spend a Saturday night.

Yeah. That was nice. Wish I could of lasted a bit longer but….

You have always been a bit of a minute man.


A pleasant respite from the mundane day-to-day though.

Indeed. But I am 45. I am getting too old for this kind of stuff. I am ready for the quiet and contemplative life.

Good luck with that. You have never been good at tolerating boredom.

Maybe it is time I get better at this. After all, the key to having a truly satisfying and productive life is to learn how to live comfortably with boredom (rather than always running from it). Maybe enough with these suburban nights of debauchery.

Yeah right. Enough damage was done last night to your social reputation but I don’t think that is enough to get you to stop.

Have more faith in me than that.

You would have to become a Buddhist Monk.

I’m already a bit of a monk. I guess now I just need the Buddhism. I’m tired.

(To Be Continued)


Author: kafkaesque77

It is all on the blog....

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