My Shitty Life. Conversation #48.

It is 8:43am and once again, my wife has been on the toilet for way too long.

What?

Yeah. I just yelled at her to get the hell off the toilet and she yelled back from behind the closed bathroom door, Leave me the hell alone.

Why don’t you let her take a dump in peace? Going to the bathroom is a healthy thing.

I realize this but my wife is always on the toilet. She is always going to the bathroom. It is just not right. Someone, especially a young woman, should not spend this kind of time sitting on a toilet.

Since when did you become the toilet police?

I don’t want to be the toilet police but when is enough enough? Does a person really need to spend hours a day on the toilet? If you are going to the bathroom that much maybe something is wrong?

You are being ridiculous. Honestly, I think it is how she gets a break from you. I think sitting on the toilet is how she gets some peace and quiet when you are home.

Really?

Yes.

Well, maybe. I think it is because she goes on her iPhone. She is in there on her phone trolling around Instagram.

Maybe so. When she is on her phone you nag her. You tell her to get off your phone and read a book. You tell her that she is wasting her life on her phone. Maybe by shutting herself away in the bathroom it is how she can use her phone in peace.

Maybe, but I know that she is also going to the bathroom. I can smell it!

That is disgusting. Don’t you think that is too much information?

Maybe but am I not allowed to maintain sexual attraction for my wife? My wife is a beautiful young lady and I want to desire her sexually but when she is always going to the bathroom and that defecation smell fills the bathroom, looms down the hallway and eventually fills the entire house in a very subtle way, do I not have a right to be a bit frustrated? Do I just have to take it? I mean what about giving some thought to what this defecation smell is doing to our sex life?

I understand but what do you want her to do about it. Women have to shit also. It is just the way it goes.

I understand, but do they have to be on the toilet for such a long time? That is what men do. They sit on the toilet and take really long shits. They smell up the house. It is disgusting. I don’t think a woman should do the same thing. I am all for women having equal rights and taking the man’s place. But do equal rights have to go this far?

Don’t you think that is a bit unfair? A bit sexist?

Don’t be a feminist. Please. Lets just talk here as two human beings. No bullshit theory in-between. Ok?

Fine.

How am I supposed to desire someone sexually when I am always having to smell their bowel movements? And then if she is on the toilet while also using her iPhone she is just letting her poops float around in the toilet and this is what creates more of a foul smell. At least flush the toilet if you are going to sit their and troll around Instagram once your bowel movement is done!

How do you know she does not do this?

I know! Our house is not large but the smell of her bowel movement fills the house and that is only because they are left floating in the toilet for longer than need be! I mean come on! Be mindful about this. It is really un-lady-like to be doing this. Also before she had an iPhone I never noticed the smell of her poops. This is probably because when she was done pooping she flushed the toilet right away. Now I am certain the poops just sit there.

Maybe. Maybe that is why the house smells up so much when she is in the bathroom. Can you at least talk with her about this?

I can try but I know she will just get embarrassed and defensive. It could turn in to a fight.

But maybe you should nicely ask her to just flush the toilet when she is done pooping even if she is going to continue to sit there and troll around on Instagram.

Maybe I should just ask her. Something needs to be done. It is getting absurd. I know that once people get married, they get comfortable. But a certain amount of mindfulness needs to be applied to keep sexual desire alive. I don’t care how attracted I am to a woman. I don’t care how hot I think she is. The moment I have to smell her poops my sexual desire for her begins to dissolve away.

Really? Don’t you think that is kind of shallow?

Maybe. But it is just the way it is. If there is a slight and subtle smell of the bowl movement….

Why don’t you just call it shit. Just say it like it is!

Because I am trying to be respectful and literary. I do not think that shit is a very literary use of language. But ok, I will say it like it is. Shit. Like I was saying, if the smell of a woman’s shit is slight and subtle, not too intrusive, I think I can maintain sexual desire for her. I understand that women shit. I do not suffer from the delusion that attractive women do not engage in this natural, biological activity. But if the smell fills my bathroom, hallway and every other room in a way that makes it difficult to inhale without being disgusted, then I think there is a problem.

Maybe you should just learn to live with it. Accept it. Breathe it in. You are a mindfulness teacher and a psychotherapist. Don’t you talk all the time about accepting what is?

Ok. I understand this. But please do not use the things that I teach against me. I am all for accepting what is, and I have been trying to practice this with regards to my wife’s bathroom habits, but come on. At what point should something change? At what point does something need to be done? I mean when a ladies shit smells are filling up the house, maybe accepting what is is not the best strategy. At least not for our sex life.

I understand.  Well maybe you should talk with her.

I will. I am just tired of all the shit. I have three big dogs and am always picking up their large shits everyday. And then I have to deal with my own daily shits, which are not a pleasant experience. At work the smell of other people’s shits are continually filling the hallway. And then there are my wife’s shits just floating around in the toilet for who knows how long! I feel like my life is just immersed in shit! Shit smells and piles of shit everywhere! Us humans are continually immersed in shit and no one is talking about it! Shit is the elephant in the room and I have had enough of this shit! The truth is that I am disgusted by shit. My own shit and everyone else’s shit. The shit really smells! It is disgusting people! Enough is enough!

Yeah. Well good luck getting away from that one. God made shit for a reason. I guess life is just a shitty experience.

Was that meant to be funny? God made shit for a reason? Really?

No. It was meant as a statement of truth. Life is just filled with shit. Maybe shit and its foul smell is here for a reason. Maybe we are supposed to learn something from all this shit?

Now that is a bunch of bullshit.

Just saying.

 

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Author: kafkaesque77

It is all on the blog....

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