Are there any personalities that are not dysfunctional anymore? Are there any personalities that are not self obsessed and who do not get defensive and passive aggressive when things do not happen how they want them to? Lets face it- people are really fucked up. Welcome to the main consequence of over population. You know the number one cause of your stress and unhappiness- other people.
I don’t think human beings are meant to be in close, daily contact with one another. Especially not in domestic or marital relationships where you see the person or persons everyday. If we were, they would not always go so terribly wrong. This idea that human beings are social creatures I think is a bunch of BS. Ultimately this idea is a way to sell products, structure society and create families. If we were really social creatures we would not all have to buy so many books and take so many workshops to learn how to become more compassionate and loving people. No, I think human beings mostly do not get along. We don’t like one another. Especially when we spend more time together.
For the most part everyone is fucked up. We would all be much healthier, much better off if we could learn how to be alone. But because we have been conditioned to believe that being alone is a bad thing, a boring thing- we just do not know how to do it. We have been frightened out of our aloneness by this belief that if we are alone we are not ok. What a bunch of horse shit. Nothing could be further from the truth. It is when we are alone that we are ok. (You know who is least affected by heart disease? Hermits.) But just like you, I am terrified to take that step into my aloneness for longer than a few hours at a time.
Personalities, at least the ones I come across, are generally dysfunctional. Personalities that are easily hurt, easily angered, easily set off. Personalities that shut down when you do not do what they want you to do. Personalities that cut you off if you do one thing they feel is wrong. Personalities that will impose all their crap on you even if they know you are suffering. Most personalities can not get along. When personalities do get along it is usually because they are faking it. If they really lift up the hood and face all the issues that are under there, it would not be long before the relationship falls apart.
Maybe it is just me. Maybe this is only my experience. But I don’t think so. I realize that I spend my days surrounded by dysfunctional personalities. I am a psychotherapist and my customers are all dysfunctional, fucked up personalities. My father and mother and sister have terribly dysfunctional personalities. My wife also has a dysfunctional personality. I would even say that my dogs have dysfunctional personalities- especially when they start viciously barking when there is no one there. I spend day after day in some sort of personality conflict. If it is not with my clients it is with my wife. It is not with my wife it is with my father or sister. It is an absolute disaster for me. I can not go two full days without not getting along with someone. I try but it never works out. One wrong word or move on my part and I am faced with yet another personality conflict.
My personality is also dysfunctional. I am very fucked up in many ways. It is frustrating to be a psychotherapist and know that your relationship with yourself, with your wife and with your family is more fucked up than a lot of the troubled people who you work with. I am sitting there listening to other people’s personality conflicts and trying to give advice on how to better deal with it. But then when I find myself in my own daily personality conflicts every piece of advice I give goes out the door. Makes me feel like I am just selling bullshit snake oil to people for a good amount of money. If your own prescription does not even work for you and your own dysfunctional relationships, how the hell is it going to work for others? What does it mean when you sell something you know does not really work? Capitalism? Making a living?
We are all fucked up. Society has become another word for people selling other people things that do not work. Even if the Buddha lived in today’s society, his personality would be dysfunctional. He would have to go sit under a tree not in search of enlightenment but in search of lowering his blood pressure. Our dysfunctional personalities have us all so tormented and messed up that the only way that we can really find any kind of relief is to vegetate in front of a digital screen. Nothing can really fix a dysfunctional personality. At least I have not found the cure yet. Talking about it does not seem to help for more than a day. We will all continue to endure the pain, struggle and eventual disease that dysfunctional personalities create. At least until we can really learn to be alone. I mean really be alone like that psychotherapist guy who has given up all worldly pursuits and possessions, built a very small home in the woods and intentionally speaks with no one else just so that he can find peace in his inner world.