Client Psychotherapy Notes #1. 29-year-old male. In Crisis. Diagnosis: Depression and Anxiety.
I don’t know what to do.
People, including myself, immerse themselves is continual distractions because they feel so bad about their life. About how they have to act disingenuously in their life in order to make money. Forgetting about everything seems to be the only way people can feel ok.
Pleasure seeking. Continual distraction is the only way people can avoid all the shit things they have to deal with. Everyone is just avoiding all the time.
What is the shit that we all have to deal with in this American society? Feeling like you have to be something you are not. Our society is based on this fundamental idea that you have to be better than everyone else. You have to horde resources in order to be seen as succeeding.
We are taught that trying to be better than others is what will ultimately make us happy but it just makes people unhappy. Just causes people to feel bad. We believe that the only way to feel good is to try and be better than others but deep down we know that it goes against how we really feel inside. But we give into the ideal of society. We allow ourselves to be trained by what our collective values have become. We see everyone else doing it so we join in.
I do not want to be a part of this society as it is but I feel like I must in order to be happy in my life. I don’t want to be “that guy” who has sold out and bought into societies values but what happens if I do not?
Then I will just end up feeling sad, in a daze, insignificant, isolated, worried, wrong, bad, continually put down and criticized for not doing things like everyone else.
Becoming a part of the status quo feels disingenuous. It is not where my heart is at. Becoming a functioning member of society is nothing about what you believe in. Instead what is expected of you is that you become brainwashed. That you believe that the more things you own means that you are doing well. You are succeeding. You have lived up to what society trains you to do. You have not failed at life. You have done what you had to do. Good job.
If we do not live this way we are seen as a failure. A waste of a life. I do not like being seen as a failure. It deeply troubles me. I know that I am being thought of in this way and it devastates me. I don’t want to care so much about what others think but I can’t help it. I tell myself not to care. I tell myself to just keep doing what I think is right and not let what others think get to me. But it does. It causes me to feel useless. It makes me want to sleep all the time.
There is really no alternative. You either conform or you don’t. There is no way out. I assume this is why some people become addicts or commit suicide. They are searching for an alternative solution.
The only rational alternative is to just give in to the capitalist system. To conform in some way. There is really no other way to get out of it other than giving in to it. Join them. Act better than them. Get stuff. Then you will be liked. Then you will feel successful. Become “that guy.” Be that Yes Man. This is what people look up to in this society- the Yes Men and Women who have completely sold out.
I hate living with the fact that I have to be disingenuous to get anywhere. This is what our society has become- make money to get stuff so that you can then feel better than everyone else.
I have two options. I either do nothing (immediate escape), or I join in. People escape all the time because they need to feel happy right now in order to deal with all the shit they have to put up with. We need immediate escape in order to feel better. Escape through smartphones, television, computers, shopping, drugs, alcohol, food, video games). Give me escape now! so that I can deal with all the crap I have to put up with. If we do not have some way to escape immediately we will end up driving ourselves crazy. We will just feel so bad all the time. I understand why people need to escape all the time. I completely get it. I do it myself. We all need to combat these shitty feelings by escaping. This is how we forget.