I am terribly bored and it pisses me off. This should not be happening to me right now.
There is nothing at all to do. My life is a complete failure.
I don’t want to listen to music. I don’t want to read. I don’t want to do anything. I am unable to feel interested in anything.
I should be doing more. I should have a life. I should be out there in the world pursuing something! Everyone else is.
But I am not. I have failed and it pisses me off. Fuck all of you.
This inability to be interested in anything hurts. The pain is deep and if only I could find a way to do something interesting with my life all of this would change.
Everyone has failed me.
There are so many men out there doing engaging things with their life. I am wasting time. Withering away.
I feel numb.
This is what complete despair feels like. Just wasting away with nothing to do.
And then I take myself into the bathroom and masturbate. There is nothing else to do and maybe this is one way that I can feel a hint of very short lived pleasure. This is one way that I can do something.
I lock the door behind me and I quickly orgasm in the bathroom sink.
Suddenly I feel like sun has broken through dark, dark clouds. A weight is lifted from me and I feel immediately better. Immediate relief. Interesting. I am no longer pissed off. I no longer feel the stabbing pain of boredom. Now I actually want to go and read my book and listen to music. To go enjoy the simple and solitary pleasures of life.
Now I actually feel happy to be home alone on a Friday night with nothing to do.