You just killed another fly?
I know. I don’t feel good about it but I don’t like flies in my space. Besides it seems to be the only exciting thing in my life right now.
Sometimes I just don’t care. I can’t help myself. I know its not a good thing.
You in a bad mood?
I can’t help it.
Just feel incredibly dissatisfied. Frustrated.
How could that be possible? You just had an expensive dinner at a really nice restaurant. Two gin and tonics. A delicious salmon dish. How could you possibly be dissatisfied?
Maybe I am dissatisfied that I am dissatisfied. I really don’t know. I worked a long day. I am burnt out on listening to other people. I don’t know. Maybe I am just bored. Unfulfilled.
How? You helped many people at work today. You had a nice dinner with your wife and her parents. It was a beautiful summer night. How could you feel unfulfilled?
I don’t know! Jesus! Am I supposed to have all the answers? I was looking forward to dinner all day. It was a nice meal but for some reason now I am in a bad mood.
I think it is the lack of engagement from your wife.
That is probably part of it. She does not really engage with me. Even though if I told her this she would tell me I was wrong. She brought our small dog to dinner and seemed to engage more with it. She looks into her iPhone continually. Yes, I did not feel engaged with her at all. But I didn’t really make any efforts either.
I see. Do you think you are bored with the conversations?
Terribly. The conversations are very boring. I tried to make interesting conversation but no one seemed interested. I am glad to be with a loving family. It’s nice. But yes….I was and am bored.
I think this is a continual theme in your life. I think you are bored with most people in your life.
I am. Especially now that I am no longer watching porn.
Still no porn?
But I am bored.
Maybe you are bored with yourself?
I am. It’s all dull. No real interesting engagement with anyone.
How about with you therapy clients?
At times, but not much. It is me engaging with the clients. I am working hard like a prostitute trying to get their client off. I guess when not working I want someone to get me off. But no one does and I get bored.
Your wife does not engage you at all?
Very little. It is mostly dull. I try and make the best of it but I have seen my wife dulled down by her iPhone. She continually checks it. Not much I can do about it. If I call her on it she becomes angry. I am seeing almost everyone become dulled down by their smart phones.
Yes, even me I suppose. When in Rome.
Well, so here you are in a bad mood again. Bored, unfulfilled, dissatisfied and angry. I am sure a part of it is from just having to interact with so many people. You are probably worn out. The hazards of being a therapist. That is why they call it psychotherapist. Having to engage with so many people makes a person psycho. Another part of it is probably just from not feeling engaged by anyone. You are bored. The closest people to you in your life bore you. What are you gonna do?
What can I do? I have to accept it. Make peace with it and have these conversations with you.
Not even three gin and tonics and a delicious salmon dinner can take away the pain of feeling bored and dissatisfied. Maybe I should of stuffed myself more.
You always over eat. That is not an answer. Short term gain for long term pain. You know that all eating disorders are a result of feeling bored and dissatisfied.
Yes. Well, not sure what else to do.
I suppose like you said, you have to just accept the way things are. Make peace with it. You are bored and unfulfilled. Could be worse. Maybe tomorrow you will feel differently.
Maybe so. Will wait and see.
I think I am just going to go to bed now. Tired and don’t feel so great.
Ok. Go get a good night’s rest and we can talk more tomorrow.