“Hi! How Are You?” Post #21

Hi! How are you!

I am ok but I never know how to answer that question.

What do you mean?

Exactly.

Exactly what?

You are exactly right.

Right about what?

What do I mean? When I answer that canned question I really do not know what I mean. I most often feel like I do not know if I mean what I am saying. In fact, I often know that I do not mean what I am saying. Maybe this is why I do not like this question- my answer always feels false.

How are you doing now?

I am ok. It is Sunday afternoon. I have been lost inside my head all day. I spent the morning working in my garden. My wife did not arrive home from being out with friends until 6am, so she slept in.

6am! Wow. Were you upset?

Slightly but she does not do this often. I am glad she was out having a good time. She went to some DJ and acrobatic event in downtown LA. I guess it went on until 4am and then she hit a lot of traffic on the way home. I think I was upset because I thought she might have gotten it on with another guy or girl.

Would this upset you?

No. Well yes. What I mean is I am turned on by the idea of her having sexual experiences with other people. I like that, especially when I get to watch. But I would be upset if she did not ask me first.

I see. You thought she did something sexual without asking first?

Yes. That is where my mind goes. I see how it might kill the mood if she had to text me real quick beforehand to ask permission. I would just like there to be some sort of communication first.

Makes sense.

Yes.

So, how are you?

like I said, I am ok. I have some anxiety right now. I always have some anxiety. Feels like I am standing on the edge of a cliff and can fall of at any second. I am overly aware of my mortality. When I spend too much time alone, too much time in my head, this is the place I go to most often.

Does not sound fun.

I have always been this way.

I know.

Creates a lot of uneasiness inside me. I envy people who have no idea of their mortality. People who can live free from this feeling.

Why do you think your mind always goes to such a dark place?

Is it really a dark place or is it just a very aware place? Are not we all up against this edge?

It is aware. Yes it is a fate we all deal with moment by moment but it is dark because it makes your time alive fill with fear.

It is dark because it creates fear. Yes.

I often feel fear.

How about joy?

What does it mean to live with more joy?

To have no fear. When no fear is there joy is.

I see. Maybe this is why I very rarely feel joy. I get excited but I don’t think I ever feel joy.

I know.

Not much at all. Maybe I get close to it when meditating.

You do not meditate much.

Not as much as I probably should.

Do you feel like you probably should be doing a lot of things?

All the time.

This will take away joy as well.

Where are we going with all this?

Hi! How are you?

Really?

I am just trying to get a very honest answer from you this one time. I really want you to know how you are right now.

I see. Well, like I said, I am ok. It is a very hot Southern California day outside. Things are pretty quiet. I have some anxiety in my body and some thoughts of impending doom in my mind. But this is pretty much always the case. I am probably isolating too much. I am probably spending too much time lost in my head. This is never fun. I feel uneasy and hyperactive. I have to go to a wedding later today that I do not want to go to, but I realize it could be a lot worse. I am also just trying to focus on being present and not getting hung up on the future. This is not easy.

Staying focused?

Yes, it is difficult for me.

This because your brain is hyperactive.

Yes. Too much sometimes.

It prevents you from finishing things. Too many things at once.

I am working on focus.

Work at it.

I am.

Work at it harder.

I will.

Finish the drawing you started TODAY.

Ok. I will put my mind to it. This is not really what I wanted to talk about today.

What did you want to talk about?

Pornography, smoking marijuana, the female naked body, my beard, my frustration towards myself, why I have not been able to succeed at being the person I want to be, my mental illness, why I got rid of my tv.

Lots of hyperactive stuff.

Yes.

We can have these conversation at some other time. Today is Sunday. Go easy. It is a day of rest. Take it easy for both of us.

Yes. My wife just got home from the farmer’s market. I am going to see what she got.

Eat lots of vegetables.

If she got tomatoes I want to interview them before I eat them.

Ok. You do that weirdo.

I want to know what the tomatoes know.

 

 

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How To Screw Up A Relationship. Post #20

You ok?

I am. I am ok now.

That was quite a terrible scream your wife just let out. Sounded like she was giving a very painful birth. Probably terrified the neighbors.

Yeah. It was a terrifying scream. A release of complete rage. My ears are still ringing.

What happened?

We are fucked up.

I know. This is partially because you are fucked up. But what happened?

We were driving home from LA. A nice evening in the city. We had a few drinks, bought some books and other things, ate a good dinner. While driving on the freeway my wife suddenly remembered that in two days (Sunday) it is her aunt’s wedding. I was shocked. My reaction was overly surprised. Immediately I knew that I would have to go to the wedding and was upset because I was being told about it two days before. I really, really, really value having my Sundays free of all obligations so I was upset. (Here comes my wife. Hang on.)

……

…………

…………………

Everything ok?

Strange. She just came into my room to give me a kombucha. Her makeup was running down her face. “What are you doing I said?” “What? I just wanted to give you a kombucha,” she replied. “That is weird,” I said and we both giggled. She then told me that she was truly and sincerely sorry for everything that happened.

Sorry for what?

Well I did get upset that I had the wedding sprung on me at the last second. But I got even more angry when my wife told me that I should of known, I should of remembered. I was at a dinner with her parents two weeks ago and something was said by her mother about the wedding but it was very brief and did not mention a date or anything. We were drinking and I was paying little attention to what was being said. Because of this my wife told me that I knew about the wedding. That I was there when we all talked about it. “Talk about it? What are you talking about? I recall your mom briefly mentioning something but it was hardly talking about anything,” I said. I told my wife that I did not know about the wedding and she continued to tell me that I did know and that I should of remembered and that basically it was not her fault for forgetting to remind me or let me know the exact date of her aunt’s wedding.

Hmm. She feels like you should of known based on what her mom said about the wedding a few weeks back?

Yes. And she also tells me that she talked to me about the invitation that she got via email a year ago and I should of remembered that as well. That I should of come to her and asked her when the wedding was. That I should have known. I became enraged in the car. I screamed out, “I had no idea the wedding was in two days!! Why are you telling me that I knew when I am telling you I did not know!!!” I almost punched the window. I called her crazy for telling me that we had various conversations about the upcoming wedding that I know for a fact we did not have. I am the kind of person that if you tell me about the date of an upcoming obligation I will not forget. I do not forget obligations. My wife kept arguing with me, I kept arguing with her and our car almost exploded because of all the anger and tension.

Never call a woman crazy.

I know. I was furious. Lost my grip a bit.

Jeeze.

In my mind the fact is that my wife forget to tell me about the wedding. She just forgot. She is a very forgetful person. Things like this happen all the time with her. The fact that she was trying to put me in the wrong (“I should of known. I should of heard what her mom was saying”) really upset me. I was never formally invited to the wedding. I was never asked if I wanted to go. I just overheard my wife’s mother briefly mention something about the wedding and now I am supposed to know exactly when it is? Seems nuts to me.

Yeah, it does seem unfair. Your wife should of just been able to apologize that she had forgotten about the wedding and leave it at that. Granted your initial reaction to being told about the wedding was harsh and her response was probably just a defense.

Defense against what?

She did not like how you reacted. She felt somehow threatened and became defensive. “What? You should of known. It’s not my fault,” was a defensive maneuver. I think she also knew she was in the wrong but could not admit it. She became defensive and focused on what you were doing wrong so she did not have to look at herself. But you played in to her defensiveness. You should of left it alone.

I should have. I know. I messed up by fighting back. It was a no win situation. I don’t know why I did it. I was angry. I felt like I was being accused of something I did not do. I felt manipulated. Messed with. But my reaction was not good. It is terrible that I got like that. I hate it. So unhealthy.

Yes, but let it go. You messed up but I can see how you felt trapped in a corner. You could of just breathed and let it go though.

Yes. I should have. It just happens so much. I often do just shut up. I let my wife win. I do not react to her defensiveness. But I guess sometimes I blow it, especially after a few cocktails. Sometimes I mess up.

You were tired. You were up really early. You had a few drinks. You were in a car, which gives you anxiety as is. It has been a rough week. The conditions were just not right for you to keep your cool. You blew up. It happens.

So strange how just an hour before we were having such a nice time. These things come out of nowhere like earthquakes. It is very discouraging. Makes me want to isolate. Makes me not want to spend time with her. I am concerned about us.

I know things are not good. You both love each other very much but you guys are not getting on so well anymore. You have sex maybe once a month and it seems you guys are just very gradually growing apart.

Makes me very sad because we were both once so in love.

Yeah. It happens. Couples spend time fighting, don’t really deeply connect, stop having sex, just get into their individual routines and gradually the love fades. You experienced this once before in your last marriage.

Yeah. It is happening all over agin. Very discouraging. I thought this relationship would be so different. But I am acting almost the same way as I did back then.

Wherever you go there you are.

So you think this is my own doing?

Probably. You are a mess. I mean you are a good guy and sometimes you are good but you are deeply unhappy inside. What do you expect?

I guess I expect more love and understanding.

Everyone only has so much of that to give. Your wife had a lot of that at one time but I think you have burned her out.

So I am the one that has fucked up things?

She plays her part. She is very reactive and defensive. She does like to push your buttons. She could give you more of her attention. She is very forgetful. She could certainly make much more of an effort. She has withdrawn and become neglectful with regards to really working on the marriage. I will give you this. But she really, really loves you. You are the one who is afraid of love. You are always unhappy and angry. Always down about something. When she tries to come on to you you turn her away. You give her a hard time about stuff. You are always on her back about something you think she is doing wrong. Day in and day out, this wears away at a person.

I get it. I know I am difficult. But she does things that piss me off. Always on her iPhone. Disorganized. Poor communicator. Forgetful. Procrastinator. It happens all the time and I just point it out. Am I not aloud to say anything?

Say something but you do it all the time!

Because she does these things all the time.

But she does not need you nagging her. It is just who she is. She is working on it but you are not helping her by always being on her back. You are just showing her that you do not accept her as she is! By the way all those things you labeled your wife as, sounds more like you are describing things that you do not like about yourself.

Really?

Yes. I live with you. I know.

I am not a poor communicator.

Almost punched the window does not sound like good communication skills to me.

Ok.

Look. All I am saying is that you are difficult. You are unhappy. She is not innocent by any means. Sure she could be a lot more understanding and loving but that is asking a lot. She does the best she can. She is 14 years younger than you and still learning. You are the one who is continually being difficult towards her. All those things you do not like about her are just projections coming from within yourself. They are things you do not like about you. You get angry when you see her behaving in these ways because you want her to take care of things and fix things and be on her iPhone less because you can’t do these things for yourself! Its not fair.

Yeah. This makes sense. Jeeze. I am fucked up.

Sometimes.

……

So what are you going to do now?

I dont know. I am still pissed. Even though you say I am the difficult one. I still feel like I was treated unfair. I just want to go to bed. I will probably let it go by sometime tomorrow night.

You will stay upset for that long?

Probably.

But she has already apologized. Let it go.

Not that easy.

The reason why you are always so frustrated with your wife is because you are frustrated with yourself.

Yeah, well, this is probably true. Don’t ever marry a frustrated man. A man who feels like he has failed in life.

You have not failed.

I feel that way. What am I supposed to do about this?

You have to learn how to not be so frustrated with yourself.

How do I do this? I haven’t got a clue.

Maybe you should go get some sleep. We can talk more about this some other time.

Ok. Sounds good.

Ok.

Thanks for your help tonight. I feel better.

Good.

Masturbating Under The Avocado Tree. Post #19

Shouldn’t you meditate in the morning first?

I should do a lot of things I don’t do.

Like what?

I dont want to talk about that now.

So then why did you wake up at 6:34am this morning and go straight out into your garden and masturbate under the avocado tree?

I needed release. I could not sleep.

But why did you go out into your backyard? Why not the bathroom?

Because it was not my intention to masturbate in my backyard. I went out back to watch the sun come up. I noticed that I had an erection. Suddenly I was seized by a desire to masturbate.

I see. I can understand that. But why not just go back inside your house and do it? Why outside?

I dont know. I wanted a change of scenery. Something different. It felt slightly deviant to do it outside.

Under the avocado tree?

Yes. Under the avocado tree.

Hopefully none of your neighbors saw you. You would be forever discredited as a respectable and professional member of the community if they saw you with your pajama bottoms down around your ankles masturbating in your backyard.

I realize this.

Did you consider it? I mean something like this could ruin you!

A part of me already feels ruined. No, I did not consider it. Like I said, I just needed a release and went for it. I didn’t give it too much thought.

Well, in the future you may want to. It would be a terrible thing if one of your neighbors happened to be looking over the fence into your yard.

Ok. In the future I will keep this in mind. I suppose that since I am trying hard to not watch pornography I am now needing different forms of sexual stimulation. Normally, I masturbate at my desk in front of my computer screen. But since I can not do this anymore I decided to give the backyard a try. Masturbating with my eyes closed in the bathroom over the bathroom sink gets boring after awhile. I wonder how much sperm gets washed down our drains?

Probably a lot.

Yeah. I think it would blow our collective minds if we really knew.

Probably. Look I can understand why you masturbated in your backyard. You wanted something different. But you are now just a fine line from masturbating at the shopping mall, in your car, at a restaurant, while sitting by a public pool, while on a walk and various other public places.

Yeah. I understand. I wont let it come to that even though I have been thinking about masturbating in my car while driving.

Please do not do that. Please. If you were seen by someone who knew you or seen by a cop you would be ruined. It would be headline news if a popular meditation teacher and psychotherapist was caught masturbating in his car while driving. Please do not do this.

You are right. You are right. Ok. I will abstain from masturbating beyond the perimeters of my home.

If you could keep it inside your home that would be ideal.

Will try.

Ok.

Although I must say it was fun masturbating under the avocado tree.

I Don’t Want To Do Anything

What is going on?

I don’t know.

Yes you do. Talk to me. I don’t have much time, so tell me.

I just don’t want to do anything.

Why?

I don’t really know. I just have very low energy. I feel discouraged.

Discouraged about what?

What I have accomplished in my life. That I am not doing what I want to do. You know, same stuff.

I see. Well, why don’t you get your shit together and start doing what you want to do?

Because I don’t want to do anything. I just don’t have it in me right now. I feel flat. Bored. Tired.  I told my wife that I feel like I am filled with sand.

Does it hurt?

Yes. I think I might feel this way, or a part of the reason I feel this way, is because I spent the past three days working with people, listening to their problems. deeply engaging with them, trying to sympathize, trying to stay interested, trying to give them all I could give. Now I have nothing left inside. Just feel flat.

I see. This is true. When introverts work as psychotherapists it is possible that they can end up very unhappy people. Working with other people in such an intensive way can empty out an introvert.

Yes. I feel so emptied out that it is hard to believe that there is a world filled with people out there doing all kinds of engaged things.

Let me ask you a few questions.

Ok. Do you feel lassitude?

What does that mean?

A lack of energy.

Yes. I do.

Ok. Do you feel hebetude?

What does that mean?

A state of feeling dull and/or lethargic.

Yes. Very much so.

Do you feel weariness?

Remind me of what that means?

Fatigue, reluctance to see or experience any more of something.

Yes. Absolutely. All of the salted pumpkin seeds that I have been eating are not proving helpful.

Ok. How about indolence? Do you feel indolent?

What does that mean?

Avoidance of activity or exertion.

Absolutely.

Inanition? Which means a lack of mental or spiritual vigor and enthusiasm.

Yes. Indeed. There is no vigor or enthusiasm anywhere within me to be found.

I see. Torpor?

Yeah. I feel mentally and physically inactive.

You my friend are suffering from serious depression. You really need to get some help. It is not good to be feeling this way.

I know. But that is why I am talking with you. I was hoping that you could be my help.

I can do what I can, but I can’t do it all for you. You are going to have to seek out help. Does your wife help?

She does what she can but I think she choses to forget about it. It is just too hard for her to confront. Besides, she also works as a psychotherapist. I think she is all problemed out when it comes to me. Just does not have much left in her to really care. But I am sure she does care someplace within her. I also do not want to burden her. I am just hanging out, going easy and waiting for this feeling to pass. That is all I can really do, right?

Yes. Eventually, hopefully it will pass. You are good at waiting it out. The problem is that this state is continually recurring. This is what concerns me. This is why I think you need to seek help.

I see. Not yet. I am just going to read my books. Listen to music. Water my garden. Try and sleep. Do what I can and wait for it to pass. Maybe I will look into some natural supplements for depression. I just do not want to go on any medication.

I understand. But it could be helpful.

I know. But I am not ready yet.

Did you call your mom?

I did. She texted me and told me she was busy today.

Did you tell her why you were calling?

No. I don’t want to burden her.

You should.

Don’t want to.

You should.

Don’t want to. For the most part, my mother has been a great disappointment to me my entire life. It’s not going to change now. It’s just the way it is. I’m used to it.

Sounds like a terrible mom.

She has been pretty terrible. Just out to lunch. In her own world. Loyal to my father. Uncomfortable around her kids. An odd lady. I don’t want to talk about her anymore.

I see. Ok.  Well I am sorry you feel this way.

Thanks.

Wish I could do more.

I think I will go to the market and buy myself some food to make for dinner. Maybe I will make a salad. My wife is going out dancing with a girlfriend (her lover) tonight so I will be home alone.

You are always home alone.

A lot of the time. Yes.

Ok, well take care of yourself whatever you do.

I will. I am just going to read and listen to records. Will go to sleep early. Hopefully I can get to sleep. Lately, when I put my head down on the pillow my mind is spinning. All kinds of mental chatter. Take me awhile to get to sleep. Why do you think this is?

…….

You still there?

………..

Ok. I guess we are done.

 

The Benefits Of Taking A Walk

How was your walk?

It was good. Helpful. Thank you for the suggestion.

Sure. I felt like getting out, walking around, getting some sun could help you.

It did.

Still in a bad mood?

Its not so bad now. I am ok. I walked. Listened to a podcast from a guy by the name of Duncan Trussell. I found a soccer ball.

You found a soccer ball?

Yes. That is what I said.

Sorry. Sometimes I do not hear so well.

Yes. I found a soccer ball. I bounced it as I walked. I threw it up in the air and caught it. And I kicked it really hard several times.

That must of been nice.

What?

Kicking it.

Oh yeah. It felt great to just kick the shit out of a soccer ball. It was fun. I kicked it as hard as I could. Didn’t go very far and I may have pulled or sprained a muscle in my leg. Been awhile since I kicked a soccer ball.

Ouch.

Yeah. But it was worth it. Fun to just play around with a soccer ball like I used to do when I was a kid. I don’t think I play around enough.

You don’t really play at all.

Yeah. This is true. I don’t play much. But sometimes when I go for walks and am alone and free, I play around more. This is why walking is good for me. It gives me the space, time and freedom to just play around if I want.

Explore.

Yeah. I just explore, walk around and play.

That’s nice. It is good for you to do this.

I think so. I like play. It’s good. I feel ok now. Still don’t want to have to go to work and have all these deep, dull and long conversations with people, but I feel better now.

Good. You will get through the day. Just stay present. Don’t identify too much with your ego. When you notice that you are thinking too much, just return your attention back to your breathing. Notice sounds that you are hearing. Feel sensations in your body and let the thoughts go. Just try and be present with what is. Not in the future and not in the past. Just right here.

Yes. That is what I will do. That is what I am doing. I might smoke a little weed to take the edge off.

That is fine. Maybe not the best idea, but if it helps go ahead. Just don’t get too high. You don’t want to be too high while doing psychotherapy with other people.

No I won’t. I never do. Just helps lighten the load and cheer up the mood. When I am slightly high it makes it a little easier to engage and be interested in other people. Makes my job less heavy.

Ok. We can discuss this later. May not be a good long term solution. Just go easy. Try and have fun and play around as you go through the day. Don’t get too sucked into the human condition. Just stay present. Take it easy.

Yeah. I will do so. Talk to you later.

Sounds good.

 

Bad Mood

Why are you so pissed off?

I don’t know. I just woke up feeling this way.

It has to be the result of something.

I had a hard time sleeping last night. My wife had a friend over and they were talking late into the night. That was annoying. I am glad she had a friend over and was being social but it made it difficult for me to get to sleep.

You think this is why you are in a bad mood?

Maybe. I am also trying to quit drinking.

You quit drinking?

Yes. I just don’t want to drink anymore. At least not for a long time.

Why? You don’t drink that much?

No, I don’t drink that much but booze always makes me feel like shit in the end and I am tired of feeling like I am doing something that is not good for me. As much as I like drinking beer or gin, I always feel poisoned in the end. So I want to give it up for health reasons.

I see.

But I have had a tough time sleeping since giving it up. I think I may be going through some alcohol withdraws.

It is possible. You were drinking regularly for awhile, so this could be one part of it. I also know you have been worried about not making enough money at your job.

Yes this also. I am also annoyed that I don’t enjoy my job but have to do it because I need the money. I want to be able to like my job. I am trying. But every time I return home after being at work all day I am so relieved not to be at work anymore. I have a feeling that my dislike of my work is causing my business to suffer.

Could be.

Also, I lead a large meditation group last night. Over fifty people. I talked a lot in the group. I talked the entire time. I talked about the value of living in the moment. I talked about why worry is such a useless emotion. I talked about how we are all going to be worm food in a matter of moments, days, weeks or years. I talked about how we should all just enjoy our lives now. How this is the most important thing. I used words like “fuck” and “bullshit” a lot. I talked a lot. People just looked at me. A room filled with wide eyes, looking right at me but no one said anything. I was just talking and everyone was just staring at me. It was awkward. I do not like to talk a lot. I do not like it when people are just looking at me. I don’t know what they are thinking. I wish someone would say something.

So you felt uncomfortable about the group. Maybe you feel like you did a bad job. Like you said too much?

Yes. I keep telling myself that I am not going to talk much. I will lead a guided mindfulness meditation, talk maybe just a bit and then let other people talk about their experience. If no one wants to say anything, then I will end the group early.

Why don’t you do this?

I don’t know! I always ended up talking too much! I want people to have a good experience. I want people to get something out of coming to the group. I want people to like me!

You want people to like you.

Yes. There. I said it. I don’t like it. I don’t want to care about whether people like me or not. I don’t want to have to work so hard to get people to want to keep coming back to the group. It is bullshit.

So you are pissed off that last nights group did not go like you wanted it to.

Yes. I went against what I know is best for me. Once again I worked too hard and said too much. Pisses me off. Also, I think I did not really want to lead the group. I am burnt out. Been doing it for three years. I’ve had enough. Was tough for me to get into. I was tired. I stumbled a bit at the beginning. This felt awkward. I do not like to mess up or feel incompetent in public. I think I felt this way a bit in the beginning of the group. Took me a bit to get into it.

I see. Well it is in the past now. Let it go. I am sure you did fine. Any other reason you are in a bad mood?

I have to go to work today. I don’t really know what I am going to do with my life. How am I going to break through and find a way to live the kind of life I want to live? On Friday I have to be interviewed by a news station. I do not want to do it. I do not want to talk any more about mindfulness. But I need the publicity. It could improve my business. So I have to smile and pretend like I really am interested in talking about mindfulness. Talking about mindfulness bores me. Listening to others talk about their problems all day bores me. I just don’t want to do it anymore but I must do it because I need to earn a living.

I see.

I am pissed off. I want to get high, have crazy debauched sex, drink, masturbate to porn.

None of this will help.

I know. That is why I am not going to do it.

Go for a walk.

Go for a walk?

Yes. Go for a walk. Bring your headphones. Listen to music you want to listen to. Just go for a walk.

A walk?

Yes. Go for a walk now. Right now. It will help. Get out of your head MR. MEDITATION TEACHER.

Haha. Jerk. Ok. I guess I will go for a walk.

Yes. Do it.

Ok. I am going to go for a walk now.

Ok. Go.

How To Not Watch Pornography

So you want to watch porn?

Yes!

So why don’t you just go ahead and watch some?

Because I said I was not going to watch it anymore. At least not for awhile.

Why?

Because it is just not good for me. Doesn’t make me feel good about myself.

Really? You watch harmless porn. Nothing out of line or too shocking. Why does it have to be such a big deal?

Because I just don’t want to watch it. I do not like being dependent on it. Someone else is making a lot of money off my dependency. Don’t like that. Also, someone else is planting images in my brain that are causing me to want more and more. That is not a good thing.

It’s not that big of a deal.

Are you here to help me or to encourage me to watch more porn?

Help, of course. Look, I know you had a long, stressful day. I know that porn is a way that you can occasionally blow off some steam. You only watch it for ten minutes or so, so I don’t think it is such a big deal. But I understand your concern.

It would be nice to watch a little porn right now. I love to see sexy naked women doing sexually scandalous things. It is so enjoyable. But at the same time, it decreases my interest in being sexual with my wife. I become more sexually independent and I don’t think this is a good thing when in a relationship. I think porn also causes me to lust after other women more rather than just making the best of the beautiful woman that I am married to.

Yeah, I can see how it would cause you to lust after other women and want to have various kinds of sexual experiences.

Yes. It causes me to become more interested in other women. This can’t be good.

I think it is normal. Natural. But it is true, to make a relationship work sexually, will require some effort. If you are meeting your own sexual needs watching porn, it will make it more difficult to make the effort with your wife.

Yes. I see this. But man I love watching naked women do sexually scandalous things. So much fun. But maybe this is not a good thing. Maybe this is actually potentially harmful to my marriage.

It could be.

Yes.

If you were having more sex with your wife, then watching porn would not be such a big deal. But because you are not being that sexual with your wife, I actually think it is wise to abstain from porn for awhile. Have more sex with your wife. When you masturbate do it to your imagination. Think of her. Create your own sexual imagery. Have sexual experiences with her and then use these experiences to masturbate. This could benefit your relationship.

Yes, I know. I know. Not as easy as just masturbating to porn but I know I need to do it at least until I can get my sexual interest in her back on track. Not watching porn will force me to do more sexual things with her. Plus- there is nothing noble or flattering about sitting in front of a computer screen with your pants half down, masturbating to pornographic videos on a screen.

It is rather pathetic. A sorry display of human sexuality.

Yes.

Would masturbating by myself, while imagining sexual things be more noble?

I think so. I think you would feel less shame and less self-disgust as a result.

Yes, I would probably feel better about myself.

So, if you need to go blow off some steam, go think about your wife and masturbate. But no porn for you.

Ok. Fair enough. This was helpful. Thanks.

No porn.

Ok. Got it.

Use your imagination.

Will do.

Good.