These Motherfucking Machines

These motherfucking machines. I am not happy about them one bit. Now, I use my iPhone just as much as anyone. I check my emails and text messages too much. I look on-line when I don’t want to do anything else (which is most of the time). I, like you, have given in to these motherfucking machines.

But I don’t like it.

I think they are bad, real bad for any depth or interestingness our personalities could have once had. I think they are ruining our ability to connect with others in meaningful ways. I think these motherfucking machines are turning us all into even more superficial and unsatisfied monkeys than we were before.

I wish I could fully give in. I wish I could love these motherfucking machines. I really try. But as a result of trying my attention span has been hacked into tiny little pieces. My creative output has dwindled. My sexual relationship with my wife has gone flat. My interest in engaging with others in person is gone. My capacity for handling solitude has been shot. My shopping addiction has gone through the fucking roof. My ability to be engaged while reading a book has disappeared. I love reading books and I can’t even do that anymore because of these mother fucking machines.

What a person does while they are alone determines the amount of depth that they have when with other people. If when a person is alone they are continually checking their phones, what kind of person are they going to be when around other human beings? Frightening thought, but let me tell you. They are going to be boring! There is going to be the absence of any legitimate substance.

Sorry, I wish there was some way around this.

I try and ignore it with my wife. I love her (a bunch) and I want everything to be fine but my wife checks her iPhone all the time. She is always on the fucking thing. She works on the thing. Socializes on the thing. Makes art on the thing. Entertains herself on the thing.  Talks to me and then is right back on the thing. Watches something on TV and is right back on the thing. Takes a shower and is right back on the thing. It is constant but I try to just accept it. It is the way the world is going so you better get in line Randall. But sometimes I pop. Sometimes I lose my shit and say things like:

Is this what we want to become? This couple who is always on their phones? Really? Is this what we want to turn ourselves into? Bored when it is just you and I unless we have a phone to check? Always pulled by this desire or compulsion to check our phones. To refer to our phones for every bit of info we need or interest we have? Is this what we really want to do with our valuable time? I mean we don’t even fuck much anymore. Shouldn’t we be more focused on that than always caught up in digital worlds inside our phones? You have so much potential. So do I but do we really want to be giving it all away just so we can be more in touch with other people? Just so we can check what pic is newest and latest on-line? We are becoming people without depth. You think Father John Misty could check his phone a hundred times a day and do the kind of work he does? Why are we letting oyrselves become like this? I am sick of it. It pisses me off. I know I am just as bad but really you are worse. You are fucking addicted. You need help. I need help. It is going to ruin our entire lives. These fucking machines are turning us into superficial idiots glued to a screen. I just don’t like it no matter how hard I try.

And then I feel bad, even though I meant everything I said. I try and go back to just accepting these motherfucking machines in to my life. I tell myself this is just the way things are now. So I can’t really read a book anymore? Who cares. At least I am in touch and on-line. These motherfucking machines fill the space created by my loneliness, emptiness and laziness but what bothers me is that before these motherfucing machines that space was filled with books, films, creativity, music, solitude, long afternoons wondering around with my head in the clouds and other people. Now its just a continual digital screen.

Again and again.



The Bitch

I am a bitch. Pissed off about everything. Sirens have been going off all morning and all I can think is, “Why can’t people just enjoy a Saturday morning?”

Being a bitch is an inherent sign that a person is unhappy. Why am I unhappy then? I don’t know. My life is not what I want it to be. Things are not the way I want them to be.

A bitch is impossible to please. You see, the thing about being a bitch is that nothing can ever be the way that they want it to be. Nothing will ever meet their expectations. There will always be problems. This is why being a bitch is a real mental illness that has usually grown out of a lifetime spent in conflict.

A bitch usually has a parent or parents who were bitchy. These parents or parent raised them on a diet of bitchiness. I have grown up in continual conflict. My father knew how to make money and problems. These were his gifts. There was always money. There was always problems. This is what I grew up in.

Maybe this is why I am such a bitch. Maybe I really can blame it on my father molding my mind around problems.

Alcohol is the one solution for a bitch. Not always but often a bitch is much happier when drinking. A bitch is much more able to express love when under the influence of moderate amounts of booze. If a bitch drinks too much things can get bleak. If a bitch does not drink at all things can get bleak.

A bitch is fucked. They are basically doomed to be unhappy. They continually create their own unhappiness. They are wired to sabotage all goodness in their lives.

I’m in a continual state of bitchiness. Especially when I don’t allow myself a glass of red wine a night. Especially when I don’t listen to music all the time. Especially when I think about the conditions of the surrounding world. Especially when I think about what I have accomplished in my life. Especially when I think about money. Especially when I have to do things that I do not want to do. Especially when I spend too much time with a person. Especially when I think someone is dumb. Especially when I am not interested in a person. Especially when I am bored. Especially when I am not doing the things I need to be doing. Especially when I have to pretend to be someone I am not. Especially when I realize that so many other people are doing creative things in the world that I seem incapable of doing or figuring out. Especially when everything in my house is not exactly as it should be. Especially when someone speaks to me in the wrong tone. Especially……..