When Young, How To Grow Old Gracefully.

Ok, listen. Now that all the old folk are asleep, I can tell you.

When young there are certain things that you can make sure you do in order to grow old gracefully. As someone who is 87 years old today, I think I am in a position to comment on this too often ignored subject.

So.

When Young:

-Masturbate regularly and cut the shit about feeling guilty afterwards. Common. Just have fun and blow off steam.

-Make sure you sit in the sun, in as little clothes as possible, as much as possible.

-Be outside!

-Wear bathing suits as much as the climate permits.

-Use your body. Be physical as much as you can. This is very important because those who use their bodies as much as possible when young, age the best.

-Be creative in some way.

-Be naked. Be naked as much as you can. Your body will never look as good as it does now. Get over your insecurities and just be nude, preferably around others. If you are not naked now you will feel like you missed out on something very fundamental and important when older.

-Rebel. Humans are not meant to be fit in boxes. Our brains atrophy and we grow dumb when boxed in. A dumb older person is never an attractive thing. Rebel! Those who rebel when young often maintain their edge into older age. An older person with an edge is always a sexy thing.

-Party. Go to parties. Dress your best. Look sexy. Flirt. Socialize. Be out and about. Enjoy having other people check you out. Thank them because this will not last forever. People stop checking you out as you age. These will be some of the best times of your life and it is always those who partied more when young who have better stories to tell when old.

-Do some drugs. Enjoy drinking. Maybe even smoke for a period of time. These activities will loosen up your brain, let you unload and have fun. But know moderation. Those who abuse substances when young do not look good when old. Many don’t even get to get old because of their inability to be moderate.

-Meditate. Learn how to just be in states of peace. Be present for your life. You will learn how to be a less stressed out person. An older stressed out person is always an ugly sight.

-Again, use your body but in sexual ways. Be sexual! Your body will never be as ready for sex and as desired to be sexual with as it is when young. Growing older makes a person less desirable sexually and often less interested in sexual interaction. So use it while you got it. Fuck away! Have fun! Those who are more sexual when young always grow older more gracefully. It is the ones who have tons of sexual hang-ups when young who just become dicks and bitches as they age. They also tend to grow fat but this is often because they have given up on their bodies since their bodies were always such a threat.

-Be sexy. Look good! Girl or guy, make sure you put in the time to looking the best you can. Not only will you get a lot more attention but you will also have much more fun. You will feel better about yourself and you will be desired by everyone. A young person who is attractive to everyone when young always grows older with more confidence and civility. They tend to maintain their good looks into older age because they have developed the habit of putting in the time needed to look good.

-Read as much as you can. This will help your mind from atrophying and becoming like all these forgetful and inarticulate aging dumb vegetables I am now surrounded by. Reading helps to maintain a person’s attention span and an older person without an attention span just becomes a miserable, dumb, checked-out adult. We call these people Nimrods.

-Eat healthy food. Get enough protein so that your sex drive and brain cells have enough food. Take vitamins to slow the aging process. Eat a lot of raw green vegetables to preserve your gums and teeth. Most old people who look like shit and have rotting gums when old ignored these things.

-Don’t take yourself so fucking seriously. Get out of your fucking head. You are going to die. Everyone you know and everything you do is transitory. Stop with the bullshit. Get out of your fucking head and chill out. Enjoy being young. Get over your problems because when you get to my age you will not be able to remember what they were. This means that they do not matter. So have fun. Read. Exercise. Take care of yourself. Be outside. Be in your body. Fuck. Watch porn. Meditate. Socialize. Masturbate. Exercise. Wear bathing suits. Be naked. Hang out with other people your own age. Break rules. Be creative. Rebel. Party but learn moderation. Be free-spirited. Be wild. Be strange. Look good. If you don’t do these things I promise you will not grow old gracefully. You will just be a miserable, over weight old bore sitting on the couch unable to get off your phone. Trust me. I am surrounded by them.

College Campus Rape. Let The Kids Have Fun. A Quick Conversation.

Can I be honest with you?

Of course.

I wish society and the legal system would leave these college kids alone. I think that college students should be allowed to rape whomever they want. Whether it is a young woman raping a young man or a young man raping a young woman, leave the kids alone. Let them have fun!

What? That is the most ridiculous thing I have ever heard you say! Do you really believe what you are saying? You have got to be kidding me.

I’m serious. Look, Americans are so incredibly sexually repressed that rape is a natural outgrowth of this repression. Rape is a societal issue, not an individual one. American societies immense sexual inhibitions, repressions and taboos have created college campus rape. Rape is a natural response to this repression. It is sexual desire that is too powerful to be repressed.

I dont disagree with you here but to advocate for letting college students rape one another, that is nuts! Absolute absurdity.

I am advocating for letting college students have fun.

Fun? Are you nuts.

Yeah let the kids have fun.

You…….

When a person is young their sexuality is so strong. Hormones are knocking down biological doors. The desire to fuck in a young person is the strongest force in the universe. Repressing this is where American society has gone wrong. Some other societies do not do this as intensely as we do in America. Let these college kids have fun! Let them act out their animal and sexual aggression! Don’t fill them with so much guilt and shame because of giving into a powerful energy that is very natural.

I agree that a young person’s sex drive is one of the most powerful forces in the universe but to advocate for letting college students rape one another is absurd. Kids need to learn self control. How could you ever have a civilized society under these conditions? How…..

Why does civilized have to mean repressed?

Whatever. It is absurd. Young people have a right to feel safe and protected. If we just “let the kids have fun,” it could be complete anarchy. No one would be safe. College campuses would be very dangerous places with rapists lurking in the bushes.

So what. Let them college campus be a dangerous place. Let the kids learn how to survive on their own. This should be the point of college. To learn and gather knowledge but to also learn how to survive in the world. Maybe by letting young adults rape one another there would no longer be rape.

This is absurd. I don’t want to have this conversation anymore. I think you are a madman advocating for college rape. You have lost all parts of your rational mind.

Maybe so. I’m just sick of seeing all the pity and sadness for the victim and the hate, anger and punishments for the aggressor. It is ridiculous. Grow up! This is how life is in the wild. Stop needing the diaper of society to protect you. Stop giving the legal system so much power to repress natural human behaviors. The young aggressor is just acting upon a very natural biological energy that is alive in them and should not be demonized for giving in to it. Being a victim is also a very natural phenomena. There are victims in nature all the time. Survival of the fittest. It is just the way it goes.

You are losing it. Maybe you should start smoking marijuana and watching pornography again. You are not thinking straight. And it is frightening to think that you are a psychotherapist who works with young people. What kind of ideas are you putting into their minds!?

(Silence)

Well?

I thought I could be honest with you without getting so much crap.

You can be honest with me but when you start advocating for letting young adults rape one another…….

I am just advocating for let the kids have fun.

Whatever. That is absurd. I am done now.